The Broken Road
by Dessler
Summary: Post Episode for Four Percent Solution.


The Broken Road

Summary: After spending forever on the broken road, will Harm and Mac realize what they were missing? Post episode for Four Percent Solution.

Authors Notes: So the summary sucks. This is my very first JAG story. I have been a fanfiction writer for awhile. Though, always for the X-files. Be kind.

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown

December 31, 2004

New Years Eve

2100 EST

She knew that he was there way before his key slipped into the lock. His presence radiated everywhere in her life. Had for a very long time. He was the one constant that made her life safe, made her life joyful. He was always there when she needed him and when she wanted him. And especially when she didn't want him there, those times when she needed him the most. His presence had the ability to overwhelm her to the point of pushing him away. But now it was pleasantly different. Now she was willing to turn over her running shoes to him. She laughed softly to herself, remembering that exact scene from a movie she had seen so long ago. She wrapped her arms around herself, as she watched the snow fall steadily outside. Wondering if she should symbolize the moment and actually wrap up her running shoes and present them to him.

"Mac?" His husky whisper washed over her and broke her from her quiet reflection. She closed her eyes tight, letting the soft tremble of his voice caress over her. It had been so long since she had let herself feel. Especially for this man. She had tried so hard to bury herself from her fears, from the ever present heartache and from the literal scars that more than threatened her ability to carry a child. But, burying them never got rid of a damn thing. It only made it swell and grow until it burst from its grave to consume her.

The year had been unforgiving, but through it all Harm had been there and he had done the only thing he had known how to, he held her up and she was grateful.

Finally, she was ready to give herself to him. She didn't want to stop herself from feeling for him anymore. Loving him, really loving him, had always been so easy. That really was her weakness and it scared her to death. But that didn't matter anymore. She knew he would never abandon her and she was ready to move on. Damn the consequences. Damn the risk. She was tired of playing it safe with him. She wanted him. She wanted it all.

His arms wrapped softly around her waist, nuzzling into her silk chocolate hair. It felt good to be held in his arms. It was wonderful the comfort that they had found in the last week. After her accident, he had spent every free moment hovering over her. Knowing he could have lost her, expecting her to disappear and not willing to let her go.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, lifting his head from her shoulder, but keeping his hands tenderly around her waist.

Her soft laugh bubbled up in her throat. "Harm, I am fine. Really I am. I don't know how, but I am." To convince him, she turned around in his embrace, letting her arms encircle him for a brief second. Then stepping out of his embrace she turned and walked towards the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I am." She called over her shoulder.

"You are always hungry, Marine!" He followed after her.

She began pulling out pans and a random assortment of ingredients. Sticking her head into the refrigerator she spotted a chilled piece of beef she had been saving for a good day. Turning to face him, she smiled and raised her eyebrow playfully. "Mmm, how about a lean steak, Stickboy?"

"You wound me, Jarhead!" He loved the way that their terms of endearment rolled so freely off his tongue these days. They were finally back to being them. They were finally over the harsh, painful storm that was their reality just a few, short months before. He grabbed his heart and leaned heavily against the countertop.

She smiled and shook her head. Her eyes playing over his handsome face. Over his bold forehead, pausing to look into the beautiful eyes that she felt herself forever drowning in, then her eyes ran over his strong nose, and finally resting on his lips. The sexy fullness that she could still feel searing against her lips from their goodnight kiss the previous night. It had not meant to be more than a friendly "I'll see you in the morning kiss", but everything between them was sensual and heated. Leaving them both breathless. The smile inched up on her lips and for the first time in a long time, she felt happiness.

His eyes caressed her just as completely and as gently. Elated in the smile that overwhelmed her and he felt a smile on his face, mirroring hers. "It's nice to see you smile again." He whispered. Not daring to raise his voice in fear of breaking the moment.

Just as quickly her smile fell and her eyes knitted together. "Has it really been that long?" she asked incredulously.

He moved next to her, leaning against the counter to her right. His eyes trained on her face and he nodded. "Its been awhile. A long while." he admitted. Raising his hand to brush away the trendel of hair that had fallen in her face. "I missed it.... A lot."

She dropped her eyes to the floor between them and tears filled her eyes. "I am sorry."

"No.. No." he demanded. Tilting her chin up to meet her eyes. He pressed his finger tip to her rosebud lips and smiled tenderly. "Never apologize. Its a sign of weakness."

Her lips twitched into a small grin, "I remember someone telling you that once. But it takes a wise person to admit when they were wrong. And I have been, for a very long time." She watched his eyes knit together in question. Smiling she grabbed his hand and pulled him to the living room. She had had all this planned, but not wanting to wait any longer she pushed him gently down onto the couch and sat next to him.

She clasped her hands in her lap and tried to find the words. Wanting to get it all out before she broke down into a huge mess of Marine goo.

His hands slid over hers, "Mac, whatever it is, you can tell me."

She smiled up at him and felt the tears spill over her eyelashes. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply. Taking a moment to control the currents he ignited in her. Trying desperately to finally let go. To finally give up her entire heart and to let the walls around it to dissolve. He would never hurt her. Opening her eyes, she meet his. She turned her hands up in his embrace, clasping her hands around his. Trying desperately to find somewhere, anywhere for her to begin. She began slowly, taking the time to arrange her words so that she could make him understand. "For as long as I can remember, I have sworn to myself that I would never love. That I would be invincible and no one would ever hurt me again." She laughed painfully, "And we both know that regardless of all intentions, I haven't had the best luck. With Dalton and with Brumby and with Webb I was so angry at the hurt that I felt. I had tried so hard not to feel anything and even in the end I was still left crying. But the thing of it is, as much as I cared for them, I never loved them. I never was in love. I thought that if I could get them to fall in love with me that in the end, they would be the ones hurting and I would be ok. But something happened." She paused, dropping her eyes to their hands and marveled at the perfect way that they fit together. "In these last nine years I fell in love. I fell in love with my best friend and that scared me. Not only because I was afraid of getting hurt, but because if there was an end, I would not only lose a great man, but I would lose my best friend. And that scared me, more than I could ever admit to anyone."

He opened his mouth to say something, but she pressed a finger to his lips and shook her head. "Please let me finish." He closed his mouth and nodded. Raising his hand to wipe away the silent tears from her face. "It still scares me. I am scared of getting hurt. I am scared of hurting you. I am scared of the pain that I already have caused because of my constant pushing. But I am more scared of never knowing exactly where our relationship will go. Of what our love can create." She smiled up at him. His eyes were filled with tears as well. As if on cue, their hands tightened around each other at the same time and she scooted closer to him. "Harm, I don't want to run from this anymore. I don't want to live in this lie. I want us. I want us so much."

His tears were falling faster and the smile on his face brightened her whole world. "That's all I have ever wanted." He whispered and reached out to pull her into his arms. Clinging to each other they let the tears fall and cleanse them. Gently washing away all of the past, all of the pain, all of the disappointment that had consumed them. This was truly their new beginning and the end was no where in sight.

She pulled shyly away and wearingly meet his eyes. "What if I can't ever carry our child? I may not ever be able to give you a baby." She cried, finally allowing the fear to be spoken out loud. Finally allowing him to hear her doubts.

Without missing a beat, he shook his head. "Hey, we have so many possibilities. There are so many ways to get you pregnant." He smiled when her lips twitched up. He shrugged his shoulders. "And then after we have exhausted all of those possibilities and if we still don't have a baby Rabb running around, we can adopt. There are lots of little babies out there who need an exceptional person like you to be their mommy." He couldn't help the smile that overwhelmed him. He could see her with their baby so clearly it seemed more like a memory than a determined wish. "But regardless of what happens. I love you and I will love you forever. That will never change!"

"I love you so much." She whispered, pressing her lips to his in the most exceptional, the most exquisite and the most perfect kiss of all their lives.


End file.
